Recognizing and Resisting Urges By: Robert Sarmiento, Ph.D.
One of the key skills in overcoming compulsive habits like substance abuse, smoking, gambling, overeating and so on is to recognize and resist urges. We often have distorted, unrealistic beliefs about urges. Some common misperceptions about urges, and their rational counterpoint are:
- Unrealistic Belief: Urges are excruciating or unbearable
+ Realistic Alternative: They are uncomfortable, but not unbearable. Urges are time limited - they will pass.
- Unrealistic Belief: Urges force one to use or act in certain ways.
+ Realistic Alternative: You choose to act on the urge. There are many urges you do not act on and you can resist any urge.
- Unrealistic Belief: I ll go crazy if I don t give in.
+ Realistic Alternative: You haven't yet and won't. Actually, you will be much more emotionally healthy by learning to recognize and resist urges to use!
If you have been using heavily, you may experience strong urges the first few days or even weeks after quitting. They may even grow stronger for a while or flare up from time to time. However, they will eventually weaken and fade away, but not necessarily go away altogether. How long it takes varies, of course, but most people find that their urges are not so bothersome within a few months to a year of quitting.
Obviously, it is crucial to learn how to recognize and resist your urges to use. To help you become more aware of your urges and develop specific strategies for resisting them, it is useful to keep a log or record of your urges. Whenever you feel the urge to engage in your compulsive habit, write down when it happened, what was going on, what emotions you were experiencing, how strong the urge was (on a one to ten scale), how long it lasted, what thoughts were going through your mind when you had the urge and how you reacted to the urge. Studying these records can help you identify triggers or high risk situations. Triggers can be events (something happens), certain times (for example, coming home from work), certain places (home, a bar), or particular emotions (anger, frustration, stress, depression, etc.). You will probably also notice certain thought patterns associated with your urges, such as "I need a drink".
Once you become more aware of your urges, you can develop methods to battle them. Here are some specific methods to try:
* Just accepting the urge can help. It's okay to have urges -- everybody does. It's what you do with the urge that counts.
* Ignore the urge. Keep it at a distance, like a thought going in one ear and out the other.
* Detach yourself from the urge. Think of the urge as "it" and study it. What does it feel like?
* Rate the urge. How strong is it on a one to ten scale? Are you exaggerating? Compare the discomfort of resisting the urge to other possible discomforts, like being boiled alive in oil or having your fingernails pulled out one at a time.
* Distract yourself. Do something. Go out. Call someone. Get absorbed in a task. Exercise.
* Remind yourself of the benefits of resisting and the long-term costs of giving in.
* Remember a moment of clarity when you realized your habit is a problem.
* Try relaxing yourself by imagining a peaceful scene.
* Visualize yourself in the near future feeling good about having resisted the urge.
* Paint a mental picture of how badly you will feel if you give in, like a scene with you hugging the toilet bowl with the title, "Drinking is Fun".
* Personify the urge by calling it the inner brat, the alcohol salesman in your head, the "beast" (see Addictive Voice Recognition Training in Jack Trimpey's, The Small Book).
* Remind yourself that the urge will pass.
* Think about other urges you have that you routinely resist. How do you do that?
* Develop coping statements, thoughts that counter urge-causing ideas. For example, if you are thinking "I deserve a drink", try telling yourself, "Even though it is unfair that I have this problem, drinking is not a wise choice for me."
After you begin to develop some mastery of your urges, you may want to confront them rather than just waiting until they happen.
There are many ways to do this, for example:
* Try visualizing a situation in the past where you had a strong urge, like running a videotape in your head. At first, allow yourself to feel the urge and react as you did. Then run the tape again and without changing anything, force yourself to see yourself resisting the urge. Practice this repeatedly until you get a feel for how you can do it. This is like "instant replay".
* Mentally "rehearse" a situation that might happen in the future doing the same "switching" of your feelings and reactions.
* Try to make yourself have an urge, as for example in thinking about your "drug of choice". This will probably be less intense and more controlled, so it will give you a chance to practice, like practicing all week before the big game on the weekend.
* Put yourself in situations where there might be temptations that create urges, like going to a bar or party (at first, this may not be wise until you have developed some confidence in your urge-resisting skills).
*** Practice, Practice, Practice!
================================================ From the SMART Recovery Members' Manual, Section II, Coping With Urges; www.smartrecovery.org ================================================
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